As a parent of a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), there are certainly challenges along the way. Whether you suspect your child falls under the autism umbrella, or you already received an autism diagnosis, raising an autistic child can be difficult. However, there are many resources for families with autism that parents can tap into to lead them through the difficult moments. 

A repeating event that is difficult for parents and children with autism alike is a sensory meltdown. All children experience moments of frustration and may meltdown in childhood, especially during the toddler years. However, moments of sensory overload with autism are not unique to childhood and can continue through adolescence and adulthood. 

Below, learn more about common questions about meltdowns and how they relate to autism, including the difference between a tantrum vs. meltdown, autism meltdown prevention, and resources that can help your child cope with sensory overload.

What triggers an autism meltdown?

It is often said that “If you meet one autistic person , you’ve met one autistic person.” In other words, every autistic person, from birth to adulthood, will exhibit different traits, which means differences in autistic meltdown triggers. In addition, symptoms between an ADHD meltdown vs. autism meltdown will differ. If a child is diagnosed with both, meltdowns will look different. 

To look at a meltdown and understand it, a definition is helpful. A meltdown is an intense, and often uncontrollable response, to something overwhelming. Stimuli can be either internal or external.

Some common symptoms of being overwhelmed with autism, which can lead to a meltdown, include:

  • Sensory overload: Many autistic people experience anxiety in social situations, and your child may be feeling anxious even if they don’t show outward signs of anxiety or nervousness. An autistic child can become overwhelmed in crowded places, even if it’s something they enjoy. Lights, crowds, loud sounds, and other sensory stimuli can trigger a meltdown, especially if there are multiple intense stimuli together — think of a crowded restaurant or shopping mall, even an amusement park.

     

  • Routine changes: No one likes a sudden change of plans, but to an autistic person, this can foster a meltdown, particularly if the reason for the change does not make sense or if it happens without enough warning or time to prepare. Some autistic people find visual schedules or other visual aides helpful in understanding and dealing with such changes.

     

  • Communication challenges: Sometimes things can get lost in translation, particularly if your child does not communicate using speech. Many autistic people struggle with metaphors and take things very literally, and this can lead to misunderstandings as well. Understanding ‘body language’ and other nonverbal communication also can be challenging for many autistic people, leading to confusion. If your child feels misunderstood or unheard, or confused about what others are saying,this can lead to anxiety and frustration which may trigger an autistic meltdown.

     

  • Emotional overload: Every child experiences heightened emotions, but some autistic individuals experience very intense emotions very suddenly which can seem unbearable. Some autistic people find calming behaviors (often called stimming) to be helpful and, as long as these behaviors are not  harmful, they should be permitted. Other children may benefit from alone time in a sensory-friendly area of their choosing.

     

  • Physical issues: Your child may be in physical pain, be ill, or otherwise uncomfortable,and  may have a hard time letting you know. Remember that some autistic people experience sensations much more intensely than do neurotypical people and so what seems like it should be tolerable to you may not be to your child.

Coping strategies for parents

Meltdowns can be challenging for both child and parent, but those with autism need understanding and patience. For parents, learning to regulate your own emotional response prior to intervening with your child is key. If you are angry, upset, or not in control of your emotions, this may lead to escalations in your child’s responses. 

Below are some coping strategies that can help both you and your child.

Foster a sensory-friendly space

Not all meltdowns happen in public—plenty can occur at home. Creating a calm space and surroundings can help keep a calm body vs. an autism meltdown. Some strategies include

  • Soft lighting
  • Sensory objects and fidget toys (e.g., squeeze balls, fidget spinners, weighted blankets and vests)
  • Soft cushions and blankets
  • Noise-canceling headphones (which are great for outside of the home, too!)

If meltdowns happen in public, think about sensory aides that you can bring with you or have available. Many of the suggestions listed above are portable. You can also offer your child an “escape route,” they can let you know when they need to take a break away from a situation or even leave to prevent a meltdown. This is important because meltdowns are exhausting for everyone and, for an autistic person, they may require a long period of time to recover. So, prevention is the best strategy.

For parents looking for additional support, Avela Health offers evidence-based interventions and real-time support from other parents. Avela’s virtual support is designed by pediatric experts and parents of neurodivergent children, and we’ve thought of everything— from evening hours to in-the-moment coaching, we’ve got you covered. We prioritized fitting into your life, not the other way around, so you can focus on what matters—family, joy and connection.

Learn more about the Avela Approach and how we support parents.

Establish routines and use visual supports

Most of us, and autistic people are no different, feel much safer inside when we know what to expect—what’s coming up next. A great way to do this is to use visual aids to make a schedule or write daily schedules on a whiteboard. This way, your child knows when to expect wake-up time, school time, meals, etc. This is especially important when a change is going to occur. 

Social stories are also a great way to prepare a child, especially for a big event.

When to seek help

If your child has frequent intense meltdowns that are not responsive to these suggestions, or if you feel overwhelmed or exhausted parenting, it might be time to consider professional assistance. Look for a provider who has expertise in working with autistic children and families and does so from a neurodiversity-affirming perspective. 

Some providers focus on reducing meltdowns through use of consequences (rewards, punishments) but this approach is not aligned with a good understanding of autism. Even if you do manage to reduce meltdowns, it may occur at the cost of your child’s self esteem and mental health. A better approach, and one we offer at Avela Health, is to work to understand the underlying cause of a meltdown and to then use strategies to proactively prevent meltdowns whilst teaching your child ways to advocate for themselves and prevent meltdowns from occurring. 

Support for parents

Always remember you are not alone. There is a large autism community with resources for parents. Some supports you can seek out include:

Parenting is challenging and sometimes parenting an autistic child can feel even harder. It can be hard to understand your child’s meltdown and to know how to respond and help. When meltdowns occur, the best thing you can do is to regulate/manage your own response to your emotions (coregulation) to help your child. If you respond by yelling, crying, or otherwise showing emotional dysregulation, this likely will lead to escalations in your child’s meltdown–so get yourself in control first. If you need help in how you respond to your child or in helping your child with meltdowns reach out, we are here to help.