Why sleep matters more than you think for neurodiverse families

Imagine this: It’s late at night, and your child is still awake, and that means you are too. Until your child goes to sleep there is no sleep for you. As a parent, you know how important sleep is, but getting there feels like an uphill battle. For neurodivergent children, sleep can be especially challenging, affecting mood, focus, and daily well-being. And, of course, when a child struggles with sleeping it can mean that the whole family does not get a good night’s sleep. 

Sleep challenges are incredibly common among neurodivergent children, particularly those who are autistic and/or who have ADHD. Research shows that 50-80% of autistic children struggle with sleep disorders. In this post, we’ll explore why sleep is essential for neurodivergent children, how poor sleep affects both children and their families, and practical strategies to help improve sleep quality. If you’re a parent looking for guidance, you’re in the right place.

Why sleep is essential for neurodivergent children

Sleep fuels brain development and growth

Sleep is far more than just a way to rest; it is a critical function for brain development, emotional regulation, and memory consolidation. During sleep, children’s brains process the information they’ve learned throughout the day, and their bodies undergo vital growth processes.

Dr. Merrill Mitler, a neuroscientist and sleep expert, emphasizes, “Sleep services all aspects of our body in one way or another: molecular, energy balance, as well as intellectual function, alertness, and mood.”

For neurodivergent children, these processes are particularly important. Many autistic children experience differences in REM sleep, the stage responsible for processing learning, emotions, and memory. A lack of REM sleep can make it harder  to regulate emotions, focus, and retain new information.

The science of sleep and emotional regulation

According to sleep research, quality sleep benefits neurodivergent children by:

  • Enhancing memory and learning by helping the brain process the day’s experiences.
  • Improving emotional regulation, reducing meltdowns and frustration.
  • Boosting focus and attention, making daily tasks more manageable.
  • Strengthening the immune system, helping children stay healthy.

These challenges can make everyday tasks—like getting dressed, going to school, or following instructions—significantly more difficult. For neurodivergent children, emotional regulation can already be complex, and a lack of sleep can only make it harder.

The impact of poor sleep on neurodivergent families

When your child doesn’t sleep, you don’t sleep

It’s no surprise that when a child struggles with sleep, their caregivers are affected as well. Parents of neurodivergent children often experience:

  • Chronic sleep deprivation, leading to increased stress and reduced patience
  • Emotional exhaustion, which makes it harder to regulate their own feelings
  • Increased caregiver burnout, affecting overall well-being and mental health
  • Strained family relationships, as exhaustion breeds misunderstandings and frustration

When everyone in the household is sleep-deprived, even small challenges can feel overwhelming. A seemingly simple request, like brushing teeth before bed, can escalate into a meltdown—not because your child is being “difficult,” but because they are running on empty.

The good news is that by prioritizing sleep, you can improve the well-being of the whole family. Small changes can make a big difference.

At Avela Health, our clinicians offer family-centered interventions that support not only your autistic child, but also your own quality of life. Learn more about Avela Health’s autism services.

Infographic highlighting how to improve sleep for autistic children

Why sleep is especially challenging for autistic children

The unique sleep challenges of neurodivergent individuals

Autistic individuals often experience sleep issues such as:

  • Delayed sleep onset: It can take longer for them to fall asleep—on average, 11 minutes longer than neurotypical peers.
  • Circadian rhythm disorders: Differences in melatonin production can disrupt their natural sleep cycles, leading to irregular sleep patterns.
  • Increased risk of insomnia, night terrors, and sleep paralysis: These conditions are more common among autistic children.
  • Shorter REM sleep cycles: This impacts memory consolidation and emotional regulation.

Signs your child may not be getting enough sleep

Sleep deprivation isn’t always obvious, especially if your child doesn’t express feeling tired or show signs of fatigue you may be used to, such as yawning or rubbing their eyes. Here are some key signs that your child may not be getting enough sleep:

  • Waking up tired: Struggling to get out of bed, appearing groggy, or lacking energy in the morning.
  • Increased meltdowns or emotional reactivity: Difficulty managing emotions or responding to sensory input.
  • Heightened sensory sensitivities: More discomfort with textures, sounds, or bright lights.
  • Difficulty focusing or increased stimming: More zoning out, hyperactivity, or repetitive movements. The latter may be occurring in an attempt to self-regulate, because a lack of sleep can lead to dysregulation of senses.

On the other hand, children who get sufficient, high-quality sleep tend to wake up calm and alert, showing stable emotional regulation and sustained energy throughout the day.

The benefits of prioritizing sleep for the whole family

When sleep improves, so does everything else. Families who focus on improving sleep often experience:

  • Improved emotional regulation: Fewer meltdowns and better stress management.
  • Stronger family relationships: Less tension, more patience, and improved communication.
  • More energy for meaningful activities: Increased quality time together, free from exhaustion.
  • Better caregiver well-being: Reduced stress and improved mood.

How to improve sleep for neurodivergent children

Understanding sleep hygiene

Sleep hygiene refers to the habits and environment that promote restful sleep. While every child is unique, neurodivergent-friendly sleep hygiene practices can make a world of difference. Here’s how to set the stage for better sleep:

1. Establish a consistent bedtime routine

Routines provide much-needed predictability. Try to establish a calming wind-down period before bed:

  • Consider activities like a bath, pajamas, reading, or deep pressure input.
  • Limit screen time 1-2 hours before bed to reduce blue light exposure.
  • Use visual schedules or social stories to help your child understand bedtime expectations.

Flexibility is key: While consistency is helpful, every child is different. Adjust the routine as needed to find what works best for your family. Try the strategies recommended here for a few days or a week and see if they make a difference. You might find that one small step can make a big impact.

2. Create a sensory-friendly sleep environment

Creating a sensory-friendly sleep space is essential for neurodivergent children. Consider these elements:

  • Temperature: A cooler room (65-68°F) promotes deeper sleep.
  • Lighting: Dim, warm-toned lighting or a soft nightlight can provide comfort without overstimulating the brain.
  • Sound: White noise machines or calming nature sounds can help block disruptive background noise.
  • Declutter the sleep space: Keeping toys and distractions out of sight can signal that the bed is for sleeping, not playing.
  • Avoid screen time before bed: Blue light from devices can interfere with melatonin production. Try to turn off screens at least an hour before bedtime.

3. Support natural melatonin production

  • Encourage morning sunlight exposure to help regulate the body clock.
  • Gradually adjust bedtime if your child struggles with late sleep onset.

4. Encourage movement during the day

Physical activity plays a key role in regulating sleep. Movement-based activities like running, jumping, or dancing help children use up extra energy and promote relaxation later in the evening. Outdoor play is especially beneficial, as exposure to natural sunlight supports a healthy sleep-wake cycle.

5. Address sensory needs

Sensory sensitivities can make bedtime challenging. Consider personalized sleep solutions based on your child’s sensory profile:

  • Weighted blankets for children who find deep pressure soothing.
  • Soft bedding to accommodate texture sensitivities.
  • Fidget tools for children who need something to hold or squeeze to relax.
  • Comfort objects such as a favorite stuffed animal to provide security.

By tuning into your child’s sensory preferences, you can make bedtime a more comfortable and predictable experience.

Every small improvement counts

Supporting better sleep for neurodivergent children doesn’t require perfection, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Be patient, celebrate small wins, and adjust strategies as needed. The goal isn’t a “perfect” bedtime routine, but one that works for your unique family. It’s about making small, meaningful improvements that can have a big impact on the health and well-being of your child—and your family. By prioritizing sleep, you’re setting your child up for success and not only enhancing your child’s emotional regulation and learning but also reduce stress and increase overall happiness at home.

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