This article is written by the parent of a neurodivergent child, and focuses on her perspective.
Common myths about autism can shape how people treat our neurodivergent kids, making life harder for both kids and families. Let’s break down some of the most common myths about autism and get to the heart of what’s real. When we understand more, we do better.
Myth 1: All autistic kids are the same
Reality: Autism is a spectrum, which means no two autistic individuals are alike. Just like neurotypical people, autistic individuals have unique personalities, strengths, and challenges. One child might love cars and know every make and model, while another might have zero interest in cars. Another youth might struggle to communicate even basic wants and needs whilst another speaks fluently.
There is no one-size-fits-all description for autism. Each child has their own way of experiencing the world, and we need to meet them where they are.
Myth 2: Autistic kids don't feel empathy or emotion
Reality: Autistic people often feel emotions deeply—they may just express them differently. For example, a child might show empathy by offering their favorite toy, rather than saying, “Are you okay?” Some autistic kids and adults find strong emotions—their own and/or emotions of others—to be overwhelming and may withdraw. It is not because the person does not feel for another, in fact they may feel so strongly it is unbearable.
Some autistic kids and adults report not being aware of many emotions unless they are very strong, they may feel “just fine” most of the time and notice their emotions only when they experience intense emotions such as intense anger, sadness, or joy. That is okay too and no one should try to force an autistic person to describe their emotions or experience more than they do naturally.
Myth 3: Autism mostly affects boys
Reality: This myth exists because boys have historically been diagnosed more often, but autism spans all gender identities.
Girls, nonbinary individuals, and women are often underdiagnosed because ways of being autistic may be more subtle or easily masked. For example, an adolescent girl might have learned to copy the social cues of her peers to fit in, making autism harder to spot.
Autism doesn’t look the same for everyone, and we need to make sure we’re recognizing it in all kids, not just boys.
Myth 4: Autistic kids must communicate with words
Reality: Words are just one way to communicate, and they’re not always the easiest option for some autistic kids and adults. Think about the ways we communicate with one another every day; we share information in so many ways beyond spoken language; in writing, through gestures and body language, eye gaze, etc. Autistic people may communicate in all these ways and more.
Forcing vocal communication can be stressful and even harmful. When we embrace different forms of communication, we create more meaningful connections and reduce frustration for everyone.
Myth 5: Autistic kids don’t care about friendships or community
Reality: Just like neurotypical individuals, the extent to which autistic individuals desire friendships and relationships varies greatly. Some autistic kids care deeply about relationships and hope to have many friends whereas others may prefer to have only one or a few close relationships.
For many autistic people though, ways of connecting might look different. For example, an autistic teen might prefer friendships that are formed around passionate interests and to spend time with others engaging in a shared interest, such as a math club or hiking group.
Myth 6: Autism is a psychological condition that needs Fixing
Reality: Neurodivergence is not something broken that needs fixing. It’s a natural variation in how a person’s brain works, and for many, it’s a core part of their identity. Trying to “fix” or change someone’s neurodivergence can be damaging. The goal should never be to make someone less neurodivergent, but to create environments where they can thrive and feel accepted as they are.
Myth 7: Autism is separate from personhood
Reality: Neurodivergence isn’t something external that can be removed. It’s part of who a person is. That’s why many of us prefer to say, “I’m autistic,” instead of, “I have autism.” Saying “I have autism” can make it sound like it’s something that can be taken away. But autism is part of how autistic people experience the world—it’s not something they carry, it’s part of who they are.
Myth 8: Autism is something you grow out of
Reality: Neurodivergence isn’t something that goes away with time. Just like someone doesn’t grow out of their eye color, neurodivergent people will always experience the world through their unique lens. It’s not a phase or a developmental delay. It’s a lifelong way of being.
Myth 9: Autism is caused by bad parenting
Reality: This myth has done so much harm. Neurodivergence is not the result of bad parenting, neglect, or trauma. It IS a natural variation in brain development. Blaming parents only adds unnecessary guilt and shame. What we need is understanding and support, not blame.
Myth 10: Autism is something that needs to be cured
Reality: For too long, there has been a harmful push to “cure” autism or reduce behaviors that stem from neurodivergence. But this mindset only suppresses natural ways of being, which can damage self-esteem and hinder growth. Neurodivergent people don’t need to be fixed—they need to be understood, accepted, and supported in ways that respect their identity and allow them to be safe and as independent as they desire to be.
The importance of breaking these myths
When we stop viewing autism through the lens of myths, we create space for autistic people to be seen for who they really are. It’s not about fixing or changing them—it’s about meeting them where they are and honoring their unique ways of being.
By breaking down these misconceptions, we can build a more inclusive world where our neurodivergent kids and our families feel supported, respected, and understood.
