It’s completely normal for kids (and adults!) to feel nervous in certain social situations — like giving a presentation at school, walking into a new group, or talking to someone they don’t know very well. That kind of anxiety is a common part of life, and most people experience it from time to time. With a little support or practice, those nerves usually settle down. Maybe your child seems to struggle more than other children, seeming overly nervous or even withdrawing during social interactions or avoiding them altogether. Maybe they are reluctant to talk when people they don’t know very well are around or avoid eye contact. You may have wondered: Is this ‘just’ anxiety in social situations, or is there something else going on, like social anxiety disorder or autism?

It’s a common question and an important one for parents who want to support their child in a more informed and compassionate way. This article will explore the key differences between what is ‘typical’ anxiety in social situations, social anxiety disorder, and autism. It will also highlight their unique characteristics, and provide practical tips to help you support your child in either case.

Feeling anxious in social situations vs social anxiety disorder

It is totally normal to feel anxious in some situations–meeting new people, walking into a party, etc. For most of us, we get better at situations like this with practice and, even when we feel a little anxious in some situations, it doesn’t get in the way of us doing and saying what we want to. A child might be nervous about their first day of baseball practice, but if they are able to go anyway and have fun, this is likely just a case of the jitters.

Social anxiety disorder, on the other hand, is something more intense and persistent. People who experience social anxiety disorder have a lot of fear, worry, or distress in social situations, even everyday ones. Children with social anxiety disorder aren’t just shy or nervous; they often feel extreme fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected. This fear can get in the way of things they want to do, like raising their hand in class, attending birthday parties, or even talking to relatives. The key difference is that the anxiety is strong enough that it starts to interfere with their daily life, friendships, or school.

So in short:

  • Some anxiety in social situations is normal.
  • Social anxiety disorder means the anxiety is so strong and long-lasting that it causes distress and makes it hard for a child to do things they need or want to do.

Social anxiety vs. social differences in autism 

Both autistic children and children with social anxiety may seem quiet, hesitant, or unsure in social situations — but the reasons behind those behaviors are different. Understanding those differences can help us better support each child’s needs and strengths.

Social anxiety disorder involves a fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social settings. A child with social anxiety might want to join a group, start a conversation, or raise their hand in class — but feel overwhelmed by nervousness or self-doubt. They often know what to do socially, but the fear of doing it “wrong” or being negatively evaluated holds them back. These worries can become so intense that the child avoids social situations altogether, even if they genuinely want to participate.

In autism, social differences are not rooted in fear of judgment, but in differences in how communication, connection, and interaction are experienced. Autistic children, like all children, want meaningful connection — but they may express it in ways that are different from what others expect. For example, a child might prefer connecting by engaging together in a shared interest rather than a deep conversation. Autistic people often find the ways that neurotypical people interact to be confusing and difficult to understand. As a result, an autistic child may worry about things such as how much to say, when to talk or not talk, how to hold their arms, where to look, etc. These things that seem so natural to a neurotypical person are not at all natural for many autistic people–and if you are worrying about all that, it can be hard to participate in a conversation, even if you want to connect.

How to support your child

Whether your child is dealing with feeling anxious in social situations, social anxiety disorder, autism, or a combination, there are strategies that can help support their development and well-being. Here are some tips:

Supporting a child who feels anxious in social situations or with social anxiety

  1. Normalize the anxiety: Let your child know that it’s okay to feel anxious and that everyone experiences some level of nervousness in social situations.
  2. Teach coping strategies: Help your child learn techniques to manage responses to anxiety, such as deep breathing, positive self-talk, or using relaxation exercises.
  3. Provide reassurance: Reinforce that social situations don’t always lead to negative outcomes and that it’s okay to make mistakes or feel nervous.
  4. If your child has social anxiety disorder, work with a behavioral health professional who has expertise in addressing social anxiety from a compassionate and evidence-based way. 

Supporting an autistic child in social situations 

  1. Focus on strengths: Celebrate your child’s interests and strengths, and find ways to incorporate them into social interactions to the extent that your child desires interacting with others. For example, if they love dinosaurs, use this interest to help them engage with peers by sharing knowledge or playing with dinosaur toys.
  2. Sensory support: Be mindful of sensory sensitivities that may make social situations overwhelming, such as bright lights, loud noises, or crowded spaces. If your child wants to participate in a context that may be overwhelming or if it is unavoidable, prepare your child for new environments by discussing what to expect and providing comfort items, accommodations,  or sensory breaks when needed. 
  3. Promote self-advocacy: Encourage your child to express their needs and preferences in social situations. This could involve helping them identify when they need a break, when something is too overwhelming, or when they need assistance in navigating a social situation. Provide them with tools and language to advocate for themselves, such as using alternative communication methods (for non-verbal children) or teaching them to say, “I need a break” or “This is too loud for me.”
  4. Create predictability: Many autistic children thrive in structured, predictable environments. Create routines that incorporate time for social interaction in manageable chunks. For example, if your child likes bowling, they might want to participate in a bowling group every Wednesday evening. Sometimes structured social interactions–where what will happen, and what conversations will focus on, often are easier for autistic people. 
  5. If your child wants connection with others but struggles to make friends or feel included, our skilled providers at Avela Health can help. We work with children, adolescents, and teens to help them develop and use strategies for building and maintaining strong relationships that are meaningful and that align with autistic ways of being.

Understanding the differences between social anxiety disorder and autism can empower you as a parent to provide the right kind of support for your child. While these two conditions may share some surface-level similarities, they are distinct in their causes and how they manifest in behavior. By recognizing the underlying factors at play, you can tailor your approach to helping your child feel more comfortable and confident in social settings.

It’s important to remember that both social anxiety and autism are part of the diversity of human experience. Embrace your child’s uniqueness and advocate for their needs, helping them thrive in a world that is becoming more aware of the importance of inclusion and acceptance.

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