Eye contact is one of the first ways neurotypical babies and toddlers show connection. It’s how they share interests, build relationships, and express emotions. When a toddler avoids eye contact, it’s natural for parents to wonder if it’s a phase or something more, like a sign of autism. In this article, we’ll explore what reduced eye contact might mean, address common myths, and share gentle ways to connect with your child.
What’s normal for toddler eye contact?
Some toddlers avoid eye contact simply because they are shy or focused on something else. By six to nine months, though, many children are using eye contact to connect—smiling back at a parent, seeking reassurance, or engaging during playtime.
If your toddler consistently avoids eye contact, consider their overall communication patterns:
- Do they respond to their name?
- Do they use babbling or speech to communicate
- Do they follow your gaze to look at an object or share focus during activities?
- Are they interested in sharing their world with you through sounds, movements, or actions?
These actions, along with eye contact, can help you understand your child’s development.
Can less eye contact in toddlers be a sign of autism?
Avoiding eye contact can sometimes be an early sign of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), but it’s never the only indicator. Autism affects communication, social skills, and sensory processing in unique ways.
For some autistic children, eye contact can feel overwhelming or unpleasant. Others might be unsure how to regulate eye gaze and struggle to maintain it. Additional signs to watch for include:
- Limited gestures, like pointing, waving, or clapping.
- Limited response to your gestures, such as when you gesture ‘come here’ or point to something.
- Difficulty following simple instructions, or not responding to their name by looking up or towards you.
- Not often following your gaze or point when you are sharing interest in an object or activity.
If these behaviors sound familiar, talking to a pediatrician or developmental specialist can help. At Avela Health, we provide virtual diagnostics and therapy from pediatric experts with no waitlist — meaning you can get answers quickly.
Early evaluations can provide answers to your questions and connect you to resources, such as early intervention services, that support your child’s growth.
Myths about eye contact and autism in toddlers
Myth 1: Eye contact is the only way to communicate
Many believe eye contact critical for communication, but that’s not true for everyone. For some autistic people, looking directly into someone’s eyes can feel overwhelming or unnecessary and that is okay.
Consider This: Communication takes many forms. Children might show engagement or interest by repeating your words, looking in your general direction (instead of in your eyes), etc. Sitting close, touching your hand, or copying what you do are other ways a child might connect. It is through these moments your child is building trust and communicating with you.
Myth 2: Avoiding eye contact means they’re not interested
It’s easy to assume that avoiding eye contact means a child isn’t paying attention. But for many autistic children, avoiding eye contact doesn’t mean they aren’t engaged.
Consider This: Eye contact and attention don’t always go hand in hand. For example, a child might repeat what you have said when engaged or processing your words. Others may use a toy to act something out or express their thoughts, inviting you into their world. Sitting close or lightly touching your hand can also signal connection, as can responding through a smile, hum, or tap. Even following your gaze or copying your actions shows their shared attention without relying on eye contact.
Myth 3: Eye contact needs to be taught
In the past, some methods focused on teaching children to make eye contact through repetition or rewards. While well-intentioned, these approaches often added pressure and made interactions feel stressful.
Consider This: Forcing eye contact can make children feel anxious or uncomfortable, which may block trust and connection. Instead, create opportunities to bond through activities your child enjoys. Eye contact may develop naturally over time, but it’s okay if it doesn’t. What matters most is a relationship built on comfort and understanding.
Connecting through shared interests
Building a connection with your child goes far beyond eye contact. Joint attention—when two people focus on the same object or event—is an important skill for communication and social interaction. Even if your child avoids eye contact, they might show joint attention by pointing, bringing you a toy, or copying your actions. These moments create opportunities for shared connection, strengthening your bond without relying on direct eye contact.
Eye contact in autism: looking at things differently
Instead of focusing on eye contact as a goal, think of it as one of many ways to connect. For some autistic children, eye contact may develop over time; for others, it may never feel comfortable—and that’s perfectly okay. What truly matters is creating a relationship where your child feels safe, loved, and accepted for who they are.
When to seek guidance
If your child consistently avoids eye contact and you’ve noticed other developmental differences, talk with your pediatrician or connect with an early intervention specialist. They’ll help you understand your child’s needs and recommend helpful tools, like speech or occupational therapy, to support their development.
Avela Health offers virtual autism diagnostics and therapy for parents of children with autism. If you’re looking for a place to turn for help, Avela can support you along your journey and help you understand your next step. Learn more about Avela Health.
Finding joy in shared moments
Communication and bonding don’t need to be limited to face-to-face interactions. Many children express themselves using other methods, such as gestures, picture-based communication, or shared play.
Whether it’s cuddling during storytime or sharing a favorite game, parent-child bonding often grows in moments of closeness and shared joy, regardless of whether eye contact is part of the experience. This strengthens the relationship in meaningful and lasting ways.
