As your child enters adolescence, navigating the world of autism becomes more complex. The teenage years bring new opportunities, challenges, and demands, this can be especially true for autistic teens. It’s a time for growing independence, but also for confronting greater social, academic, and emotional expectations imposed by friends, family, educators, and others. Understanding what to expect and how to support your teen through these changes can make a significant difference in their development.

In this blog post, we’ll discuss strategies for managing the unique challenges faced by autistic teens, how to collaborate with your teen to find solutions when expectations aren’t being met, and why realistic and clear expectations are key to success.

Understanding the teen years in autism

The transition from childhood to adolescence can bring significant shifts for autistic teens. While each individual’s experience with autism is different, the teenage years often bring about the following challenges:

  • Social Communication: Autistic teens may face difficulties understanding and engaging in peer relationships with neurotypical peers, reading non-verbal cues, or navigating the complex social dynamics of adolescence. 
  • Friendships and Relationships: Just like everyone else, autistic people vary in the extent to which they desire friendships and how much time they want to spend with others. For autistic teens, challenges can arise if peers often socialize in ways that are challenging or not enjoyable for them, such as at loud sports events, or in big groups. It can be challenging for teens to learn ways to advocate for themselves with friends, to ensure they are comfortable in new situations. 
  • Sensory Processing: Sensory sensitivities—whether to lights, sounds, textures, or tastes—often remain during the teen years and can be heightened by the stresses of adolescence. Often high schools are larger than elementary and middle schools which also may introduce more crowded scenarios (e.g., the cafeteria) than up until now. 
  • Emotional Regulation: Teens, especially those with autism, may struggle to identify complex emotions and also may have challenges managing responses to intense emotions, which can lead to meltdowns or withdrawal.
  • Executive Functioning: Organization, time management, and flexibility are often difficult for autistic teens, making academics and daily life more challenging.

These are just a few of the challenges that autistic teens may face. However, these struggles should not overshadow the strengths and talents that many autistic individuals bring to the table.

Why we avoid the term “high-functioning”

The term “high-functioning autism” is often used to describe individuals who have fewer visible challenges, but it oversimplifies the lived experience of autistic individuals. The term can create misunderstandings, as it may imply that an individual’s struggles aren’t significant enough to warrant attention or support. Autistic individuals vary greatly with regard to the level of support needed in given areas and even from day to day. need, and each individual’s experience is unique.

Rather than using labels like “high-functioning,” it’s more accurate to describe an individual’s support needs. Some teens may require minimal support in one area, but they may still face significant challenges in other areas of their lives, such as social interactions, executive functioning, or sensory processing. A strengths-based, individualized approach allows us to focus on the specific needs and abilities of each teen, ensuring they receive the right support.

Collaboration: Working together to find solutions

When a teen is struggling to meet expectations, whether at home, school, or in social situations, collaboration is one of the most powerful strategies. Rather than imposing adult expectations without understanding the teen’s perspective, it’s essential to engage in open dialogue.

Here’s how collaboration can help:

  • Discuss what’s not working: If a teen is struggling with a particular task or expectation (e.g., managing their homework or participating in a social activity), start by exploring together what isn’t working. Acknowledge their feelings and frustrations. Instead of labeling the issue, ask them to share their experience.
    • Example: “I notice that you’ve been having trouble getting through your homework on time. What do you think makes it tough for you?”
  • Collaborate on solutions: Once you understand their perspective, work together to find solutions. Whether it’s adjusting the environment, breaking down tasks into smaller chunks, or providing more support in a certain area, collaboration allows the teen to feel heard and empowered.
    • Example: “What do you think might help you get started on your homework? Would it help if we worked together on a schedule?”

Through collaboration, you’re not only finding solutions to immediate issues, but also empowering your teen to develop self-advocacy skills and independence.

The importance of clear, realistic expectations

Having clear and realistic expectations is essential when supporting an autistic teen. This strategy ensures that both the teen and the adult are on the same page regarding what’s achievable and what needs further support.

To set clear, realistic expectations:

  • Be specific: Rather than vague expectations like “Do your homework,” be clear about what that entails—“Complete math homework by 7 p.m. and review your science notes before bed.”
  • Adjust for individual needs: Each autistic teen has unique strengths and challenges. Be prepared to adjust expectations based on their abilities and support needs.
  • Ensure flexibility: Teenagers, whether autistic or not, experience fluctuations in energy, motivation, and stress levels. Setting flexible expectations allows for better adaptability to changes and challenges.
    • Example: “It’s okay if you need to take a break between tasks. Let’s plan a 10-minute break after each homework subject.”

By aligning expectations with a teen’s abilities and needs, you help create an environment where they can meet goals while feeling supported.

Promoting neurodiversity and inclusivity

Creating an inclusive environment for autistic teens means accepting their neurodivergent traits, not trying to change or “fix” them. Emphasize their strengths, whether it’s their attention to detail, their creativity, or their ability to focus deeply on their interests. These strengths are assets, and when recognized and nurtured, they can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and self-esteem.

In an inclusive environment:

  • Celebrate differences, whether in learning style, communication, or sensory preferences.
  • Create opportunities for your teen to build social connections on their terms.
  • Ensure that educators and peers are aware of neurodiversity and that acceptance is promoted in schools and social spaces.

Self-advocacy: Empowering your teen

Self-advocacy is a crucial skill for all teens, but especially for those with autism. By teaching self-advocacy, you help your teen take charge of their own needs and preferences. Encourage them to:

  • Speak up about their sensory sensitivities or communication preferences.
  • Ask for accommodations when needed (e.g., extended time for tests, quiet spaces).
  • Develop their own coping strategies for managing anxiety or frustration.

Self-advocacy also includes learning how to navigate the world and advocate for themselves when adults’ expectations are too challenging. With the right support, your teen can become a confident self-advocate who communicates their needs effectively.

Embracing the teen years with autism

The teenage years can be a time of tremendous growth for autistic individuals. While there are challenges, the right support, collaboration, and clear expectations can help your teen succeed. By focusing on their strengths, empowering them to self-advocate, and promoting an inclusive, neurodiverse environment, we can ensure that autistic teens thrive during these crucial years.

Remember, autism is not something to be “cured.” It’s a natural part of the neurodiversity of the human experience. As parents, caregivers, and educators, our role is to provide the right support and environment for autistic teens to flourish.